2014 Year in Review

This year, I found myself at the lowest I have ever been. Coming out of 2013, which is the most stressful year I ever   experienced, I felt sure that 2014 would be better...it certainly couldn't get any worse.

I couldn't have been more wrong. My wife was in and out of the hospital with follow up care for her surgery. I was struggling at work, doing my best trying to fit my relational style of customer service into the production mode style required by my employer. I was distressed and depressed, but couldn't see it.

I stopped hanging out with my friends and completely withdrew from my life as I knew it. I was miserable. I was having thoughts of self harm. I was scared. And on top of that, my relationship with my wife was completely disintegrated, though I didn't have the eyes to see.

If you had asked me a year ago what my life would look like Christmas Day 2014, I would not have been able to imagine where I currently sit; a co-parent, living with her daughter and her ex, in the family home, in a relationship with my best friend's recent ex,  on anti-depressants, and trying to feel the meaning of Christmas through tear-filled eyes.

My friend, Anna, said the following, " But it's interesting. Through all the shit that has happened I've found out more about myself this year than any other in my life.  It's been the best and the worst. I've never laughed and cried so much in one year."

This is true for me , too. I am ending this year with a new beginning. I welcome back the light with a love that is changing my world and showing me that I can be me and survive and thrive and feel all the feels.