Let's Talk About G-d...

I like little bits of ordinary life that remind me that G-d exists and that we are all part of the wonderful symphony that makes up this existence.

Trying something new...

and I'm nervous as a cat about to kitten. I'm all decked out in my armor...which consists of a pair of Spanx and a stiffly padded bra. Now you might wonder how these are armor and why I would need it.

The bra can repel speeding bullets and the Spanx are designed to keep my insides, in, should I be eviscerated. Sounds dangerous, right? Well, I'm just going to church.

As a queer person, it is not always comfortable going to a place of worship. It has been a few years since I have been to shul, and while I was always welcomed there, I often wonder if has more to do with the fact that I look straight.

I'm conflicted about faith/worship/religious communities, but I miss the fellowship and I believe that there will be a place where I fit. I am scared to take this step, but I cannot live in fear. So today I will take this step into my fear and come out the other side and take stock of all my innards and see how I've fared.

The Gay Tax-there is so much more to it.

 My partner is currently on my insurance. This morning I was bitching about the 'Gay Tax' and she asked me what that was about. I linked an NPR article to my Facebook so she could read it.

One thing notably absent was the discussion of imputed income and how it relates to same sex couples and the companies they work for. (Please see the HRC discussion on this topic.)

My partner and I are both women. We are registered domestic partners in Washington State. I am lucky, because my company offers domestic partner benefits. When we obtained our registration, I was able to add her to my medical/pharmacy, vision and dental insurance.

The 'special rights' that I have obtained as a registered domestic partner is the fact that I pay her portion of the premiums on an after-tax basis. Married couples don't. The other 'special rights' I have obtained is the privilege of paying Federal Taxes on the Fair Market Value of the benefits my employer provides to my partner. For me, that means I pay taxes on $350 of imputed income, every month.  What I didn't realize is that my employer pays additional payroll taxes, too.

I wonder why the paperwork and additional payroll taxes haven't driven employers to revolt and support same-sex marriage, just on the basis of the bottom line.

Of course, my evaluation of the employer impact is likely over-simplified, but the impact on my family is immediate and severe.

Healthcare Reform...it's a good thing

I am at my dining room table, doing laundry, reading blogs and keeping an eye on FB. It is 6:03 a.m. on a Saturday morning; I've been up since 5:00 a.m. Why the hell am I up? Why is my mind active this early in the morning, without coffee? What am I supposed to be doing this early in the morning, on a Saturday, while my sweet love sleeps, gently snoring in the other room?

I guess that its just been that there are several things on my mind, or it could be that I went to bed at 8:30 p.m. last night and I only sleep 8 hours, unless I am really sick. Of course, I don't want to talk about when I went to bed.

We are gearing up for open enrollment at work (thank you for medical benefits) and there are several changes affecting the benefits currently in place and a lot of subsequent bitching because of those changes. Some are blaming my company for being cheap, others are blaming our president and health care reform. One thing they all agree on? Our benefits are being taken away.

Let me say that I was not thrilled when my HMO option at work was changed to the point where is isn't really an HMO any more. Did I pay higher premiums? YES. I did that because I could control costs for my health care (thank G-d that I am healthy) because I would know exactly how much I would pay for any visit, because it was all co-pay based, there was no co-insurance (except for fertility services). It was so easy, so I was willing to pay more. On the face of the matter, it would seem that my benefits were being taken away. However, I still have benefits and they are really decent, all things considered.

Let's not forget why these benefits are changing...Healthcare Reform aka the Affordable Care Act. I finally reminded myself that these changes are in effect for the benefit of all, not the least of which are people like my partner, who is considered an independent contractor. She hasn't had health insurance for most of the 4 years I've known her. If she got sick, she had to figure out how sick she was and try and decide if it was serious enough for her to be seen by a doctor, or rather, the ER (Not having insurance meant not having a doctor, which means she went to the ER for care).

I have to say that the benefits of the Affordable Care Act touted on the website are worth the revamping of my insurance coverage to make it work. I'm not gonna lie, I approve of cost-free preventative services and I am willing to pay a higher deductible, coinsurance, etc. to help make that work. I even like that the website has links to show you options for insurance or community clinics.

I could bitch, but lets face it...I am lucky/blessed/privileged enough to even have Health Insurance. I can give up some convenience to allow others, like my partner, to to have options for affordable care, too.

Traffic

FMC-that's "fuck my commute"

I feel a need to define it, since it took me FOREVER to figure out what FML means. My work is 10.3 miles from my home. It is an 18 minute drive if you go the speed limit. That even holds true for my morning commute.

However, when I drive home, its a whole different ballgame. If I take the freeway, without a carpool buddy, its at least 30 minutes, but more often, its 45 minutes. There is some sort of issue before the Interstate Bridge. Every fucking person in a car has to be on I-5 North at the same time. Funny enough, when you get on the bridge, 75% of the cars disappear. No, they don't exit at Hayden Island, they just disappear off the bridge like they were in the Bermuda Triangle. I get really irritated by the whole "commute time warp" shit.

Today was the absolute best...a single car accident, on the Northbound Interstate Bridge. When I started my commute, it was backed up to the Freemont Bridge. When I tried to get on I-5 at Marine Drive, the back up was all the way to the Terwilliger Curves. Needless to say, the single car, blocked a single lane and after an 70 minutes on the way home, the traffic cleared right after that car and it took me another 5 minutes to get to my door.

It got me to thinking...WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?!!

I could take a Van Pool for $496.54 per month, divided by 5 to 7 people.
I could ride my bike and double my commute time.
I could take public transportation and double my commute time.
I could get a job in Vancouver, it's not like they want my kind in PDX anyway.

sigh...I HATE working across the River. It would be great if my office would open a Vancouver location.

The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round

It's happened to everyone....we've all been thrown under the bus. The euphemism brings to mind an intentional act. Someone puts you out there like a sacrificial goat, to deflect blame from themselves. It bites, but, truthfully, there are worse things that could happen in life.

So what happens when YOU throw someone under the bus? I always thought that it was a way to sneak out of the blame game, but what happens when something you inadvertently fail to do, puts someone else firmly in the under the wheels of the bus?

Speaking from recent experience, it feels like shit. No one should ever have to take the blame for my lack of action. No one should be responsible for that but me. It didn't turn out that way today. He was justifiably irritated? angry? I couldn't really tell. I know he was upset.

Now I am trying to find ways to accept the consequences/take responsibility for what I didn't do.

I'm not looking forward to that conversation.

Bleeding and Beligerent

I recently posted the following on FB:

This weekend I have been all over the map. I've been happy and sad, left of center, under the weather, over the top...all the superball direction changes i normally complete in a week happened in 2.5 days. I'm not sure what to think about it. Right now I am on the verge of tears, but because i am an optimist, I know that this is the just the doorway to something big and amazing.

I feel like I belong on the beach in the wind and weather, hair whipping about, waiting for a message from the universe with my arms outstretched. I want to unplug from the daily wear and tear of the ordinary and get a direct connection with all that is wonderful in the world. I really want to find the catalyst to take the ordinary and make it extraordinary at the same time. I want to find underlying sacredness of all that is and burst forth.

I want to explode into the world and experience the interconnectedness of everything that is, the interconnectedness that I call GOD.

The first response was "Hormones?"

Coming from this particular friend, this is not an insult, more a question regarding what is going on in my life at the moment. However, it set me off like a firecracker and got me to thinking about how people feel free to dismiss things they don't want to hear by calling the speaker "hormonal." I had been rethinking my stance on the whole issue because of the breakdown/breakthrough that I recently experienced (thank you Jenna for posting that quote by Caitlyn on FB, it was especially appropriate for my weekend).

I have dismissed the words and thoughts of others because I perceived there was a hormonal imbalance at work. I have dismissed my own words and thoughts because of the slightly left of center feeling that I experience when I am hormonally charged. I find it disheartening that we dismiss, and encourage others to dismiss, our most honest thoughts because they are born at a time of hormonal change/shift/realignment.

The surge of hormones that race through my body during their specific times in the month do not cause me to lose reason. They cause the line between "too much trouble to bring up" and "too much trouble to leave it alone" to blur and disappear. They allow me the ability to bring things into the spotlight, highlight "minor" things that could have major significance.

Why not honor these hormonal times? Why not harness the power of change?

I really have nothing to say

but i have this blog, on the rare occasions that I have an opinion that I wish to share.